I haven’t treated my body very well the last couple of years.

so it shouldn’t be any surprise to me that I need to lose 20-30 lbs to be healthy. But somehow it still blows me away. I look in the mirror and don’t see the difference from when I was 150. But I look at pictures and I see folds and blobs and bumps and I know that that’s not what healthy looks like. 

but I mean, it’s not like I’m not active. I mean, sure, I can’t really run but I’ve never been able to run. I can still chase my dog around and play frisbee and swim forever and frolic around town with my friends. But this body is only disappointments.

Its frustrating and terrifying to me that I can’t see it. How can I be so out of tune with myself? Where did this godforsaken belly come from :I

I used to think I was fat and unattractive when I WAS in a healthy range. I feel like I have better body image now, but still I’m overweight and have these terrible low points. I’ve been eating well for months, but I haven’t been exercising. I see little to no changes and it seems hopeless at times.

I know I need to step it up and work out if I want to LOSE and not just maintain, but its so hard getting there. It seems like such a simple change but it requires a completely different mindset. And I know that I’m capable of it, but it seems like I have such a way to go. 

and that nagging fear that “after I lose the weight” I’ll still be undesirable

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